Finding Myself.

There is this random wrestler jumping rope and warming up. 

Shelby- What would you do if I asked him to use his jump rope?

Me-Oh My gosh Shelby do it. I'll give you $20.

Shelby-Oh my gosh I can't.

"Hey! Uhhh can I use your jump rope?"

"Yeah I guess. But it's  not really a jump rope, it's an elastic band."

He hands her the jump rope and she starts jumping.

Why do we do things like this? It really made me think. Is it to get attention? Is it to just be funny? I would have to say probably both. I do so many completely pointless things, I would have to admit that it's to get attention and some laughs. I was talking to someone who pointed some things out to me that I never really thought about, things about me. Some how we got on the subject of how I put up this front of a dumb superficial blonde. I put on an act and few people know the real me. He told me, "People will take advantage of the ditzy blonde much more than they do the confident, intelligent one." he's right. Why can't I be the real me, maybe it's because I'm scared. Scared of getting hurt, scared of putting my real self out there. Another thing that he said had a big impact, "You try to protect yourself by making yourself stand out?". I know, it doesn't make any sense at all. Why do I need attention.  Maybe I don't, maybe I'm trying to live up to other peoples expectations of me. Expectations that aren't even really there. Maybe it's because I want to hear that I'm worth something to someone. Acting like this and always wanting attention hasn't gotten me anywhere. Well maybe in some trouble, maybe even resented. He also told me " It's up to you whether you'd rather have people respect you for being confident and smart and have some people think you were arrogant. Or have just a few people respect you and a whole lotta people think you're a joke." I want to be the real me. I'm tired of putting on an act and being someone I'm not. I don't need the attention. I have just always relied on having it. I've been putting on this dumb blonde act for so long, it has done anything but hurt me. I have been relying on my looks so much, that my personality didn't even matter. Your personality is what makes you well you. I haven't been me, I've been fake. I'm not that dumb, superficial, blonde that only relies on her looks not her abilities, I'm Alyssa Bowman The confident, intelligent one that is talented and doesn't need looks to get her somewhere. I have overcome a lot of things from my past. But now my challenge is to be real and stop pretending. I was told " We are what we repeatedly do" and I'm finally going to repeatedly be me. It doesn't matter what people have to say, it only matters how I see myself and how I can make myself better. I've listened to what people have had to say about what I've done, but I have the say on what I'm going to do.I don't want to look back and remember all the stupid things I have done, I want to look back and see what I've accomplished. I want to be the real me. Thank goodness I've finally realized what's really important and that it's not too late. And Thank you Kory!!!

So Just Love Me! The Real Me!!!

-Alyssa ( The Smart Intelligent One)